Heidi Montag is the Bearer of Bad News

I thought it was over. I thought we survived the worst of it. It was hard, and we lost a lot of good men out there... great men... but I thought it meant something. Now, though, we learn it's all going to happen again. Oh God, it's all going to happen again! We're not through, not by a long shot...

Heidi Montag is possibly going to pose for Playboy again.

Why didn't Heidi Pratt bare all in the September issue of Playboy?

"Always leave them asking for more," she said on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday. "Next time, I'll have more to reveal."

Asked if she has a two- or three-part Playboy deal, she coyly replied, "Maybe."

Though many of the photos were racy, she said she didn't feel she compromised her Christianity.

"For me personally, I feel like God created the body, and the body is beautiful," she said. "The way God created us was naked. So I am not ashamed of it. I'm proud of it... This was such a blessed experience."

Heidi went on to say her moral center isn't violated when she gets banged from behind by a line of dudes as Spencer watches, since that's called Doggy Style and God created the doggy. And when she snorts lines of cocaine off the mirror, she knows the drug comes from nature and it's just a way of praising Jesus. Heidi then ended the interview short saying she had to go get another abortion so she could send more friends to God in Heaven. Hallelujah!

Heidi Montag Playboy photos

Well, we've built it up enough here on Celebrity Milkshake, might as well take this baby on home. Here are the airbrushed, bleached-blonde, nude-but-not, lifeless Heidi Montag Playboy photos. I want you to understand I wouldn't do this for anyone, just for you. Going through these photos was worse than the dental surgery I had this morning, I kid you not.




In fact, my doctor actually had a copy of this Playboy sitting on the counter. I said, "Hey Doc, why's this here?" To which he replied, "I'm a dentist, I'm a glutton for pain. Now, you read it as I warm up the drill. Until then, you need some Novocaine from this giant needle?" "Nah," I said, flipping through the pages, "I've pretty much gone numb from this torture. Thanks though."



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Britney Spears blesses us with several more bikini photo ops

Britney Spears got such rave reviews with her first round of bikini shots that she’s conveniently decided to bare a her body again just a few days later. Brit notoriously gained a good deal of weight during her breakdown, but she’s worked incredibly hard to shed the pounds. In fact she looks a-mazing, so it’s no surprise she wants the paparazzi to see, especially given how eagerly they snapped all those bad photos of her. And Brit’s not the only one who’s changed her look – sons Jayden and Sean lost several inches of hair this weekend!

Britney Spears’ adorable sons Sean Preston and Jayden James managed to steal the spotlight from their famous mother with their new haircuts yesterday. Spending a family day by the pool in Los Angeles, the boys looked unrecognisable after their bowl cuts were shaved off to reveal a buzz cut. With Sean, three, and Jayden, two, fast approaching their birthdays next month, it looks like their parents Britney and Kevin Federline may have decided it was time to update their look.

The lookalike siblings, who are exactly a year apart in age, looked even blonder than usual without their formerly heavy fringes covering their delicate features. Fortunately it was only the boys getting their heads shaved this time, after their mother previously shorn off her blonde locks during her high-profile meltdown in February 2007. Despite not having reached nursery age, it appears the young boys are growing up to be quite the cool pair as they wore sunglasses and baseball caps to protect themselves from the sun.

Older brother Sean was wearing a pair of orange swimming trunks, while his younger sibling looked more colourful in a pair of navy, orange and green trunks. They also wore silver chains with pendants of their initials on, to help people tell them apart. Clearly revelling in spending time with her beloved boys, Britney spent the day playing in the pool with Sean and Jayden.

The 27-year-old singer looked determined on catching maximum sun as she showed off her curvy figure in a green bikini. Still learning to swim, both boys were wearing arm bands to keep them afloat at the pool at the five star Ritz Carlton Hotel in the LA seaside suburb of Marina Del Rey. Clearly taking after their mother, both boys have grown up comfortable in the spotlight… It was the second day in a row Britney spent relaxing at the Ritz Carlton. On Saturday, she and a female friend spent the afternoon drinking cocktails at the resort and chilling out in the jacuzzi. Her choice of swimwear was a lot more eye-catching too - she wore a hot pink bikini to complement her light golden tan.

[From the Daily Mail]

You’ve got to give Britney credit for how great she looks. The boys look cute too, though I did sort of adore their little bowl cuts. The close-cropped hair and quasi-bling reminds me of their dad a bit. K-Fed’s sort of this gentler, wider version of his former self, which is endearing in a way. But old K-Fed was super annoying with his ridiculous outfits and man-bling. There was something so charming about Sean and Jayden’s bowl cuts. They’re cute either way, especially with their water wings and pool toys. It looks like Britney genuinely enjoys spending time with them, and is at a great point in her life.

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Will Jessica Simpson replace Paula on ‘American Idol’?

Page Six is reporting that Jessica Simpson is being pushed by her father, Joe Simpson, as Paula Abdul’s replacement on American Idol. We’ve already heard rumors that Victoria Beckham wants to be more than just a one-time judge - so is this a battle royale between Posh and Jess? Which one knows more about the music industry? Which one would give better advice? Actually, putting Jessica on to replace Paula might be sort of brilliant. Instead of Paula’s cracked-out comments and slurred speech, we could have Jessica’s epic malapropisms and ditzy/drunk comments. It might work!

USA Today got ahold of Redskins quarterback Colt Brennan to ask him if last week’s report that he and Jessica were dating was true. Colt says no way - but he’s sort of charming about it, telling the newspaper, “My life coach, (Redskins TE) Chris Cooley, said that I should neither confirm nor deny it. But me being an honest guy, I have no idea what that’s about.” He actually sounds half-way interested. Jessica should go for it!

In one last piece of Jessica Simpson news, Nick Lachey’s brother Drew told Us Weekly that a Nick and Jess “Newleyweds Part Deux” reunion was not in the cards:

Sorry, Newlyweds fans: Nick and Jessica won’t ever get back together. Asked at Saturday’s Los Angeles Lakers 3-on-3 Basketball Tournament if they’ll ever reunite, Drew Lachey told Usmagazine.com: “On the record or off the record? No on both.”

Nick and Jessica - who split in 2006 - recently ended relationships around the same time. Nick and Vanessa Minnillo called it quits this summer, shortly before Tony Romo dumped Jessica before her 29th birthday in July.

When told that people want to see Nick and Jessica back together, Drew told Us, “I think everybody who was a fan of The Newlyweds wants the same thing.”

Jessica recently told Vanity Fair she hadn’t spoken to Nick “in years.” But she said their MTV reality show helped her realize the importance of good relationships.

“It made me understand what marriage is, what love is, what commitment is,” she said. “In all honesty, I believe it did not affect our marriage. Because we enjoyed watching those episodes, and that will always be a time I cherish.”

[From Us Weekly]

Yeah, I really don’t think Nick wants to go there again, and he’s probably been very vocal about it to friends and family. Thankfully, Nick has been pretty gracious in public - although I would love to hear his take on Papa Joe. You know Nick has a ton of Papa Joe stories, and they’re probably all disgusting.

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Jessica Simpson was dumped b/c she was drunk and/or fat

Earlier this week, we covered the report from Star Magazine about a possible Jessica Simpson tell-all autobiography. Allegedly, Jessica could be dishing the dirt on all of her boyfriends and hook-ups. At the time, we heard a little about what Jessica could possibly say about Tony Romo, John Mayer and her brief hook-ups with Jude Law and Dane Cook. I wondered if Johnny Knoxville and Adam Levine were included in this little tabloid story, and they are!

The new issue of Star has information on Knoxville, Levine and… wait for it… Bam Margera. On Johnny Knoxville: “She and Johnny hung out together a lot during the movie. Johnny was the strangest guy…. He believed in space aliens and talked to his muscles, encouraging them to grow. He also liked to be spanked and give spankings!” Dude… I’m so sorry I asked. On Bam Margera: “They drank a lot together, and Jessica will recount a number of wild times.” Christ. Does Jessica even remember enough of her “relationship” with Bam to write about it? On Adam Levine (lead singer of Maroon 5): “[He was] incredibly sweet…They used to stay together at the Chateau Marmont together, drinking and laughing. But Adam couldn’t handle the attention that came with dating Jessica.” Haha, Adam Levine couldn’t “handle” Jessica. That’s hilarious. As for Tony Romo? Well, it seems Star has a hot tip about Romo and a full-length mirror:

“Tony liked Jessica to dress up as a cheerleader but with garter belts and stockings and high heels,” says the source. “He also liked bringing food into lovemaking, like in the movie 9 ½ Weeks. He would feed her grapes and strawberries in bed.”

“[Tony] always wanted her to tell him how manly he was,” said a source.

But both Tony and Jessica liked to party hard - and for Jessica, all that drinking packed on the pounds. So insiders say she’ll dish about how self-conscious the excess weight made her feel.

“Tony is extremely vain,” says another source. “I’m sure Jess will spill about how he’d sometimes stand in front of the mirror, analyzing his naked body. Eventually, Jess became extremely sensitive about her own ballooning figure. She thinks that was the beginning of the end.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, August 24 2009]

Again with the neverending debate about exactly how and why Tony Romo dumped poor Jessica. I’ve never been a fan of explaining their split on Jessica’s yo-yo weight, probably because I didn’t really think she gained that much. She put on an extra 10 or 15 pounds for a few months, and then lost it. It wasn’t the end of the world, and she was by no means “fat”.

Now Fox News Pop Tarts has another explanation - Jessica Simpson is a big lush, and Tony couldn’t handle her “out of control” drinking and behavior. Also: when Jessica got hammered, she “embarrassed” Tony in front of his friends:

Romantic relations between Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo appear to be absolutely done and dusted, but according to insiders, the surprise break-up was largely a result of peer pressure from Romo’s pals and Jess’s love of adult beverages.

“Jessica would get really drunk and obnoxious, it was out of control. She would be sprawled everywhere with he head on his lap and the look on Tony’s face said it all,” an insider told Tarts. “He was so embarrassed in front of all the guys and his teammates were really harsh on him over it. Breaking up was a really hard decision for Tony to make.”

We’re also told that the Dallas Cowboy really did love the pop princess and “fought for her” with his skeptical friends, but in the end, it got to a point where it just didn’t make sense for him to stay in the relationship.

But in Simpson’s defense, a friend from her camp told Tarts that she doesn’t drink too much, and that there were numerous issues going on between them before Romo said his goodbyes.

“She was devastated and it did come as a shock, however,” added the source.

[From Fox News]

While I’ll buy that Jessica gets “loud and obnoxious” when drunk, I don’t really think Jessica has a problem. Of course, she looked utterly wasted at Ken Paves’ party last week, but I kind of think that was an isolated incident. I wouldn’t mind getting drunk with Jessica, actually. I bet she’s a pretty fun drunk. You know alcohol would make her say even dumber, crazier things.

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Jessica Simpson was dumped b/c she was drunk and/or fat

Earlier this week, we covered the report from Star Magazine about a possible Jessica Simpson tell-all autobiography. Allegedly, Jessica could be dishing the dirt on all of her boyfriends and hook-ups. At the time, we heard a little about what Jessica could possibly say about Tony Romo, John Mayer and her brief hook-ups with Jude Law and Dane Cook. I wondered if Johnny Knoxville and Adam Levine were included in this little tabloid story, and they are!

The new issue of Star has information on Knoxville, Levine and… wait for it… Bam Margera. On Johnny Knoxville: “She and Johnny hung out together a lot during the movie. Johnny was the strangest guy…. He believed in space aliens and talked to his muscles, encouraging them to grow. He also liked to be spanked and give spankings!” Dude… I’m so sorry I asked. On Bam Margera: “They drank a lot together, and Jessica will recount a number of wild times.” My guess? This section of the book will not include all of those times she blacked out and Bam… nevermind. On Adam Levine (lead singer of Maroon 5): “[He was] incredibly sweet…They used to stay together at the Chateau Marmont together, drinking and laughing. But Adam couldn’t handle the attention that came with dating Jessica.” Haha, Adam Levine couldn’t “handle” Jessica. That’s hilarious. As for Tony Romo? Well, it seems Star has a hot tip about Romo and a full-length mirror:

“Tony liked Jessica to dress up as a cheerleader but with garter belts and stockings and high heels,” says the source. “He also liked bringing food into lovemaking, like in the movie 9 ½ Weeks. He would feed her grapes and strawberries in bed.”

“[Tony] always wanted her to tell him how manly he was,” said a source.

But both Tony and Jessica liked to party hard - and for Jessica, all that drinking packed on the pounds. So insiders say she’ll dish about how self-conscious the excess weight made her feel.

“Tony is extremely vain,” says another source. “I’m sure Jess will spill about how he’d sometimes stand in front of the mirror, analyzing his naked body. Eventually, Jess became extremely sensitive about her own ballooning figure. She thinks that was the beginning of the end.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, August 24 2009]

Again with the neverending debate about exactly how and why Tony Romo dumped poor Jessica. I’ve never been a fan of explaining their split on Jessica’s yo-yo weight, probably because I didn’t really think she gained that much. She put on an extra 10 or 15 pounds for a few months, and then lost it. It wasn’t the end of the world, and she was by no means “fat”.

Now Fox News Pop Tarts has another explanation - Jessica Simpson is a big lush, and Tony couldn’t handle her “out of control” drinking and behavior. Also: when Jessica got hammered, she “embarrassed” Tony in front of his friends:

Romantic relations between Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo appear to be absolutely done and dusted, but according to insiders, the surprise break-up was largely a result of peer pressure from Romo’s pals and Jess’s love of adult beverages.

“Jessica would get really drunk and obnoxious, it was out of control. She would be sprawled everywhere with he head on his lap and the look on Tony’s face said it all,” an insider told Tarts. “He was so embarrassed in front of all the guys and his teammates were really harsh on him over it. Breaking up was a really hard decision for Tony to make.”

We’re also told that the Dallas Cowboy really did love the pop princess and “fought for her” with his skeptical friends, but in the end, it got to a point where it just didn’t make sense for him to stay in the relationship.

But in Simpson’s defense, a friend from her camp told Tarts that she doesn’t drink too much, and that there were numerous issues going on between them before Romo said his goodbyes.

“She was devastated and it did come as a shock, however,” added the source.

[From Fox News]

While I’ll buy that Jessica gets “loud and obnoxious” when drunk, I don’t really think Jessica has a problem. Of course, she looked utterly wasted at Ken Paves’ party last week, but I kind of think that was an isolated incident. I wouldn’t mind getting drunk with Jessica, actually. I bet she’s a pretty fun drunk. You know alcohol would make her say even dumber, crazier things.

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