Monday, September 21, 2009

Megan Fox knows for a fact

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Just in case you weren't convinced Megan Fox's mouth is a never-ending faucet of WTF, here she is explaining to Teen Hollywood how she recently overcame her fear of flying:


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"I developed that (a fear of flying) when I turned 20. All of a sudden I got really afraid to get on airplanes. I had to come up with a way to deal with it because I didn't want to have panic attacks every time I get on a plane.


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I know for a fact it's not in my destiny to die listening to a Britney Spears album, so I always put that on in my (headphones) when I'm flying because I know it wont crash if I've got Britney on.
"


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Let me get this straight: Megan Fox knows for a fact she won't die listening to a Britney Spears album. Wow.


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So, remember when Michael Bay said he cast Megan in Transformers after videotaping her washing his Ferrari? I'm 90% certain that's a cover story for finding her in an alley talking to a can of soup.

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Thursday, September 17, 2009

Lindsay Lohan is a cracked-out diva

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“Don’t f-cking touch me,” Lindsay muttered, and no one did anything! How about calling the cops on her dumb ass? Eh. How long will Lindsay continue to even be invited to these events? And what bothers me more is that Lindsay pulled this sh-t in front of her sister. Great message for Ali, right? Be a cracked out diva, hiss “don’t f-cking touch me” and everything will go your way.


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Yesterday, Jaybird wrote about Life & Style’s cover story this week, in which a source claims “Anything Lindsay does, Ali wants to do.” This includes dressing alike, “looking shockingly skinny and sporting plumped-up lips.” So how long before we begin reading Page Six reports about Ali’s psycho, cracked-out diva behavior? And you know Ali wants to be the kind of “celebrity” Lindsay is. You know, the kind of “celebrity” that never works, perpetuates neverending drama, breaks into her own home (allegedly) and gets sued all the time. Tragic.

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Oh, and in case anyone cares, Lindsay Lohan just tweeted that regardless of whatever rumor is spreading like wildfire, she is not in a psych ward. Lindsay wrote: “Hahahaha my publicist just called me & said she heard I was in a psych ward!!!! Hahaha WHAT IS WRONG with people???? I’m working lol…BUT that’s one I’ve NEVER heard about myself before! New ones r always interesting huh? There’s SO much more going on in the world! Wake up.”

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Oh, Lindsay. She’s so wise. Tell us more about what’s happening in the rest of the world, Lindsay!

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Monday, September 14, 2009

Megan Fox and her Transformers director Michael Bay

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This is how it begins. And ends. Not with a bang, but with a “screw you”. Here’s the thing - I totally think Megan deserved to be called out, and continues to deserve to be called out for her dumb, outrageous, ignorant, unprofessional, nasty behavior and words. I’m just not sure I want to call her out while defending Michael Bay, who seems like an a-hole too. Plus, I’d like to see Megan really face some more serious consequences for her behavior - like, a line of producers and directors declaring that they have no interest in working with her.

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This is an open letter to all Michael Bay fans. We are three crew members that have worked with Michael for the past ten years. Last week we read the terrible article with inflammatory, truly trashing quotes by the Ms. Fox about Michael Bay. This letter is to set a few things straight.

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Yes, Megan has great eyes, a tight stomach we spray with glycerin, and an awful silly Marilyn Monroe tattoo plastered on her arm that we cover up to keep the moms happy.

Michael found this shy, inexperienced girl, plucked her out of total obscurity thus giving her the biggest shot of any young actresses’ life. He told everyone around to just trust him on his choice. He granted her the starring role in Transformers, a franchise that forever changed her life; she became one of the most googled and oogled women on earth. She was famous! She was the next Angelina Jolie, hooray! Wait a minute, two of us worked with Angelina – second thought – she’s no Angelina. You see, Angelina is a professional.

We know this quite intimately because we’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies. We’ve spent a total of 12 months on set making these two movies.

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We are in different departments; we can’t give our names because sadly doing so in Hollywood could lead to being banished from future Paramount work. One of us touches Megan’s panties, the other has the often shitty job of pulling Ms. Sour pants out of her trailer, while another is near the Panaflex camera that helps to memorialize the valley girl on film.

Megan has the press fooled. When we read those magazines we wish we worked with that woman. Megan knows how to work her smile for the press. Those writers should try being on set for two movies, sadly she never smiles. The cast, crew and director make Transformers a really fun and energetic set. We’ve traveled around the world together, so we have never understood why Megan was always such – the grump of the set?

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When facing the press, Megan is the queen of talking trailer trash and posing like a porn star. And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it’s very cringe-able. So maybe, being a porn star in the future might be a good career option. But make-up beware, she has a paragraph tattooed to her backside (probably due her rotten childhood) easily another 45 minutes in the chair!

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Friday, September 11, 2009

John Mayer has been nailing Jessica Simpson

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Ugh. This report might have pushed John Mayer over the edge from “douche” to “sociopath”. Who grabs girls and tells them “You’re property of John Mayer”? What guy gets turned on by humiliating women? What guy is so content to play these little “I-want-you-no-I-don’t” games for years? What guy swoops in on a really vulnerable girl and seduces her right after she’s been dumped? But we’re supposed to think he’s cute, right? Gross, gross, gross.

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Call me crazy, but I’m starting to think John Mayer has been nailing Jessica Simpson ever since Tony Romo dumped her. The most important evidence has been staring us in the face this whole time - namely, that John Mayer hasn’t issued one word, one denial, one confirmation, one peep about Jessica since she and Tony split. This from a guy who can’t take a dump without tweeting the size and color, so you know Jessica didn’t just slip his mind. Jessica is totally having rebound sex with John, and John is feeling a mixture of shame, pleasure, pity and lust. Thus, he’s been keeping quiet.

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Mayer was in the news this week for two reasons - first, the rumor exploded that he had been quietly hooking up with reality star Kristin Cavallari. John denied this within a day, dusting off his keyboard to “amuse” us with this: “How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high fived Kristin Cavallari with my pen*s.” Stay classy. That report came out the same day as In Touch Weekly’s cover story “Jessica Simpson’s Desperate Hookup”… with John. Not one word about it from John. So let’s just take every word of the full cover story as gospel, shall we?

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Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Lindsay Lohan hired as 'artistic advisor.' Why not?

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It’s really easy to just brush this off with the traditional “Lohan sucks!” response, but I think there’s a chance she has some talent at fashion. I don’t care for any of her style myself, but it seems like she’s still a trendsetter and people are paying attention. And she’s paying attention to everyone else too – or at least what they’re wearing.

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It may work for Lohan. I think she’s probably taking some big leaps in terms of her claims of overseeing things and whatnot, and if this is anything like a traditional job I’m guessing she’s going to have to tone it down. But this could turn into something where Lindsay really ends up surprising us. Clearly she’s got some issues with self-esteem – I’d imagine it could only help if Lindsay finds her niche and does well at something. Or maybe she’ll rob Ungaro of all their jewelry and furs, who knows. But I think this is the best opportunity she’s been given in long, long time.


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Lindsay Lohan isn’t just using a Machete for work these days. She’s using a needle and thread. The leggings designer has been tapped as the artistic advisor of much-lauded fashion line Emanuel Ungaro. Forget funky Fornarina ads. The starlet will be collaborating with the label’s newly appointed chief designer Estrella Archs to put together the looks for the 2010 spring/summer collection, which will walk the runway Oct. 4 at Paris Fashion Week.


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“Twenty-first century muses are extroverts whose personal style and experience gives them a strong creative and artistic focus. Thus was our vision of combining the eye of a fashion creator with the eye of the ultimate luxury consumer, a celebrity,” Mounir Moufarrige, president of Emanuel Ungaro worldwide, says in a statement. “Mr. Ungaro’s success was based on his genius for design and his controversial eye to whom his consumer was. Lindsay is a world consumer with a clear eye for fashion.”

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Ahhh, so it was clarity that created those lips. However, apparently the starlet and the seasoned clothing creator are already clashin’ for fashion… LiLo tells WWD she “kind of oversees everything [Archs] does, while working with her. Different generations have different ideas.”… “Have you ever met two women who agree completely about fashion?” Archs asks the trade pub.

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Unlike rumors surrounding some of her other gigs, the Mean Girls queen promises to give the project her very best. “When I’m involved in a project, I give my all to it,” she says. “I feel like there’s a correlation between everything I do, whether it’s pop music or film. I’ve always played a big part in what I wear, the costumes. Clothing is something that’s so expressive in so many ways. It really interests me. To be in a position where I’m working with a fashion house in Paris sets it apart from every other celebrity brand.”


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Megan Fox will never do nudity

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Apparently these pics are the most we'll see of Megan Fox as she's currently vowing never to go nude on camera or make a sex tape. Which means no one will ever believe Brian Austin Green stuck his penis in her. But he held her hand once! Honest. MTV News reports:

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"Ugh, never!" said the actress. "That's the last thing I want to see -- what I look like having sex. It would take one shot of me not looking good and I would not be able to have sex ever again, because I would always just see myself looking like a hippo having sex."
Just as there will be no nudity on camera in the comfort of her own home, there will be no nudity for Fox on set either. "I can't ever imagine myself doing nudity in a film," she said. "It lives forever, especially now, with the Internet. I just can't. I just can't."

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Megan Fox will bare a considerable amount of skin in her upcoming film, "Jennifer's Body," but audiences won't see the 23-year-old actress anywhere close to fully naked and, as she told MTV recently, the public will never, ever have the chance to click onto a Megan Fox sex tape on the Web.


"Ugh, never!" said the actress. "That's the last thing I want to see — what I look like having sex. It would take one shot of me not looking good and I would not be able to have sex ever again, because I would always just see myself looking like a hippo having sex."

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Just as there will be no nudity on camera in the comfort of her own home, there will be no nudity for Fox on set either. "I can't ever imagine myself doing nudity in a film," she said. "It lives forever, especially now, with the Internet. I just can't. I just can't."


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In the spring of last year, during filming for "Jennifer's Body," pictures of Fox — nude save for some strategically placed pasties and flesh-colored underwear — popped up on the Web. The fact that those photos will now "live forever" — that her body is no longer private — is something that still upsets Fox.

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"That's the only thing I have left," she explained. "That's what I was saying when I was so upset that day [when the photos appeared] is people take everything from you when you're in this business. Your anonymity is stripped from you. They invade every part of your personal life, your relationships. Everything you say gets judged, everything you do gets judged. Literally all I have left are my private parts and I don't want to also share them with the world. I'd like to keep them private. That's why they're called that!"


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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Audrina Patridge on Heidi Montag’s music career

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This isn’t the first time Audrina has said something deservedly negative about Heidi’s foray into music. She told Hollyscoop in February, 2008 that she was surprised that Heidi had put out her first music video at the time, “Higher,” because Heidi had no interest in singing as far as she could tell. “I never thought she would ever be a singer since I’ve known her… she’s never really talked about music or anything… and all of a sudden she’s putting out this cd and this video.”

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We usually try to avoid reporting on Heidi and Spencer, but we occasionally lift that ban to mock them. Heidi’s awful performance at the Miss Universe pageant was one of those times. She couldn’t even dance and lip sync at the same time and for someone so fit she had surprisingly little rhythm. Rumor had it that pageant owner Donald Trump knew that Montag would royally suck, and that he booked her for the publicity, not her entertainment value. Patridge realizes that she’ll get more coverage if she trashes her co-star, but she was very understated about Heidi’s music career, especially considering how God-awful she really is.

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